5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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