Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize