if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
