Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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