Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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