he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
my liver is dry heaving
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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