5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
