i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
