I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
