I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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