When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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