wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
