please come you make the beer taste better
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
