My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
