Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize