Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
