She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
