How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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