You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
