Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
