Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In other news, I just burned my penis
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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