I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
