Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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