Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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