So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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