My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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