This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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