he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
