Tell her she can't have a vagina
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
