a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
