Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
