so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
