If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
