I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
