I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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