Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
