i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
