why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
