I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry about my life...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
