yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
