I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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