You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
