My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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