The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
