I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
