Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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