she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
