i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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