I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
