Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
