It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
