I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
