I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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