you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
