Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize