Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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