I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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