How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize