The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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