So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
