There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
