I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
