I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
