weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
