3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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