I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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